S1 EP3 – The girls are tense about a big exam and naturally jump at a dubious opportunity to get out of it, especially as it involves spending time with the beautiful Father Peter.
Saoirse-Monica Jackson…Erin Quinn
Nicola Coughlan…Clare Devlin
Louisa Harland…Orla McCool
Jamie-Lee O’Donnell…Michelle Mallon
Dylan Llewellyn…James Maguire
Kathy Kiera Clarke…Sarah McCool
Tara Lynne O’Neill…Mary Quinn
Siobhán McSweeney…Sister Michael
Tommy Tiernan…Gerry Quinn
Ian McElhinney…Joe McCool
I want to choose Orla for this purely because of the Pavarotti line, but Clare’s chaotic energy is too funny. The opening scene is one of her funniest moments.
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Best quotes and one liners
ERIN: (staring at photo of Granda Joe and Toto sadly) I just can’t get my head around it. The fact that he’s gone… forever.
CLARE: (studying and drinking an energy drink) It’s so sad, it really is. It is so, so sad. But at the same time, what’s done is done, so let’s crack on. (gestures towards her study notes)
ERIN: (distraught) Well, I’m sorry, Clare. Has his sudden, tragic death interrupted your studies?
CLARE: (takes sip of energy drink) It has a bit, actually, yeah.
ERIN: (staring at photo) How can you be so heartless?
ORLA: Don’t cry, Erin. He’s in a better place now. Unless he’s not, you know, because unless he’s gone to hell. (points upwards)
SARAH: Ach don’t talk to me. I was in bits last night. Didn’t even manage my Chinese. Poor… Tonto.
ERIN: (offended) Toto. His name was Toto, Aunt Sarah.
SARAH (smoking) Aye, nightmare so it is. Da, do us a bacon butty, would you? My stomach thinks my throat’s cut here.
ERIN: Mummy, what happened to Toto, it’s just hit me so hard and I’m worried, it might affect my performance.
MARY: Ach, come here, love.
MARY: Look, if you fail the exam, I promise you, there’ll be a nice wee plot out there with your name on it.
ERIN: It’s abuse. That’s what it is, it’s abusive. Does anybody have 10p? I’m ringing Childline.
MICHELLE: You can’t ring Childline every time your ma threatens to kill you, Erin.
CLARE: Yeah, you can’t waste Esther’s time like that.
MICHELLE: And anyway, you’re not alone. We’re all going to fail. We’re all going to get our holes kicked and we’re all in the same boat.
CLARE: (shouting) I don’t want to be in that boat! I want to be in a different boat, sailing down a totally different river.
JAMES: Guys, all we can do is try our best.
MICHELLE: Ach, don’t be such a fruit, James.
ERIN: But it’s freaky. Don’t you think it’s so freaky?
CLARE: No! It’s just a dog that looks a bit like another dog!
CLARE: She… She… I saw it with my own eyes.
ERIN: Saw what?
CLARE: (pointing at the statue) She smirked!
MICHELLE: Who, big M?
CLARE: You’re using the word ‘claim’ a lot there, Peter.
FATHER PETER: Girls, I’m not here to make any judgments. I’m just trying to get the truth.
CLARE: (annoyed) You think we’re lying, don’t you?
FATHER PETER: No, of course not.
SISTER MICHAEL: I do.
FATHER PETER: We must look in the burial place.
MARY: What’s he saying?
GERRY: I think he’s saying he wants to dig up the wee dead dog’s grave.
SISTER MICHAEL: (disgusted) Fecking weirdo.
SARAH: So, what happens now Peter?
FATHER PETER: Well, I think the next stage is Rome. Audience with the big man.
Final thoughts and fun facts
This episode doesn’t have any facts/goofs about it on IMDB so I’ll use this section instead to talk about how funny it is that a dog did a wee on a statue and the girls thought it was a sign from God. Honestly, Derry Girls is just too funny sometimes.
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